yesterday at work I forgot something, something which was really very important and it was right under my nose. or rather in front of my eyes
I won’t write what it was I forgot since I’m pretty sure that might be breaking a law of some sort. you’ll just have to take my word for the importance of the incident.

the part I forgot could easily have been quite dangerous to one of the residents of the old-folks home, luckily it wasn’t, but just the mere thought of the possible consequences still makes me feel queasy. I spent most part of yesterday afternoon trying to figure out how it could have happened and I couldn’t think of one single explanation.
coming to work today and having to write a report about the incident with no legitimate excuse for my actions made it even worse, if something might have happened that morning which hade made me distracted then sure. ok. it might be understandable. but no. I just have myself to blame. me and my absent-mindedness. which pretty much made me dread coming to work today.

it makes me wonder that if I miss something as important as this, what else am I missing? am I responsible enough for this type of work? or to drive a car? and what if I one day become a teacher, will I be responsible enough to be trusted with the students? this incident has shaken my confidence in so many ways. and maybe it should, if it would be easy for me to brush it off it probably wouldn’t do me any good, right? I wouldn’t learn anything from it and just repeat it next week. which I swear I wont.
after I wrote the, in lack of a better word, discrepancy report R told me that he had done it at least twenty times and that made me feel quite a bit better, but am I entitled to that??

the day before yesterday the sweetest thing happened. I got a cat named after me. not a live one of course but one made of wool, soft fabric and thread.

how and why it happened was partly because of my "charming" personality and partly because of the lady’s quirkiness. anyways, let’s move on with this fascinating tale. right now at my work at the old folks home there’s this really cool old lady who I get really well along with. I love to stop by and chat every now and then when I’m bored and there’s nothing else to do. we get along so well that last week when I was in her room waiting for one of my co-workers she, my co-worker, thought it was her, the quirky lady’s, daughter who was visiting because of our yakking.
I guess I’m not so professional when I’m around this particular person but I don’t think either of us really sees that as an issue since we get along so well.
so this Monday when I got to work and went in to say “good morning” I noticed that she had a new animal in her bed, a really cute cat. naturally I asked her what she was going to call it. turns out she named it after me, and after I was done blushing and feeling stupid I saw the sweetness in the gesture. apparently she enjoys our chatters as much as I do. and that’s always nice to know.

and since neither of us will back down at the sight of a discussion we started to talk about whether it was a girl cat or not. needless to say I wouldn’t back down on my notion that if the cat was to be named Fanny it needed to be a girl. and after a tiny bit of persuading she agreed.

on Sunday it all starts. the rest of my summer or at least ‘til 12th August, will be according to a schedule. true there will be some days off. days which I hopefully will spend in the company of good friends, either the ones in this reality or in the fictional one :)

there has been a request for me to update more often, sure it was only one from F who needed something to do when she was bored (but still), and I would love to do that. but truth be told I wouldn’t know what to write. sadly there are very few things going on in my life right now, I work every now and then and I’ve become addicted to old seasons of Americas Next Top Model (hey, I’m allowed one guilty pleasure). but besides that all the thoughts in my head would materialize into some strange ranting about shoes, bugs and the bruises which mysteriously appears on my legs. or I would maybe write a piece on why it’s hard being a tea-addict in the summer, FYI the tea makes you sweat like crazy as if the heat from outside isn’t enough.

let me know if you want me to write about these things, if you’ll be able to read about them and not be bored to tears. in that case there’s a possibility that I will do just that. actually I might write some of my thoughts here anyways. if nothing else to let you know I’m still here and me. no matter how adult and reliable I need to be at work I’m still the same girl who did “vårskuttet” over the stream many moons ago.
why don’t we reinstate that old forgotten once semi-tradition next time we’re out walking F?

when I got home Sunday evening, not in the best mood since I missed the bus by a minute and therefore missed my train and wasn’t home until 9.45, there was a present waiting for me. a nice looking one. wrapped in a shiny gold paper with a blue bow on top.

my first thought was "why is there a gift for me on the stairs? I haven’t done anything special to deserve it" closely followed by "there’s something fishy about this". I found out that the gift was from my mom and I got even more suspicious. turns out that it was a two-in-one kind of gift. something useful and a profound gibe all wrapped in one innocent looking book called “Gör det nu!”
to tell the truth I’m the queen of the procrastinators. if I can put something on hold I will and I will also give a fairly reasonable reason as for why I’m doing it. if it’s because of work, my stomach or simply my very selective memory.

remember the list I wrote in the beginning of this blog, the January 21st one, I can pretty much assure you that none of those things have been properly done. sure, I had the best intentions and really meant to do all of it. for the last few months I even had a good reason not to. I was working and enjoyed just being lazy when I was off work. but now I don’t have that anymore. I’m just plain lazy. or rather in a bad pattern. this book will help me figure out which one it is and what to do about it. wouldn’t it be nice to be rid of those panicky nights before a big exam (I even threw up once), knowing that I had studied enough and not just a last minute cramming session which I tended to do. I swore that I would change my ways every time, but then it wouldn’t be a pattern I guess. naturally I don’t expect a miracle just because I’m reading a book or that it will solve all my issues associated with this matter. but hopefully it will put me on the right path and give me some insight and the much needed shove.

staying true to the art of procrastination, I even put writing this off. I couldn’t find the cord to the camera. did it occur to me to clean my room and look for it? no. it took me three days to stumble upon it and just as many to finish this text.

things have changed on the job front. and it’s actually a tiny bit confusing. at least for my brain. but then again, that might have more to do with my easily confused brain than with the job situation.

the confusion started when I got a new name-tag. why a new name-tag and how can she possibly be confused about it, you’re probably wondering (or not). I got a name-tag with my name engraved in it and I have no idea why I got it since I’m partly out of a job now. who gets an engraved name-tag just to be a weekend extra starting the following week? and what about the keys and the locker? am I supposed to return those, or should I keep them since I’ll need them this summer… no one tells me these things. is there some unspoken rule about things like these that I just don’t know about? I don’t want to ask cause that would really make me feel stupid. or at least more stupid than I already feel.
anyways from now on I’ll be working every second weekend and if someone calls in sick and they need me. the sad part about this though is that even if I want to, I might not be able to decline when they call. mainly since I already have done that three times. I was supposed to work next weekend, but because I’ve had plans for that Saturday since forever I had to say “sorry, I can’t work that day, but I’ll be there on Sunday. I swear”. or something close to it.
not to worry C, I wouldn’t miss the party for anything. my costume is finally done =)

so just to warn all of you wonderful people out there. if we make plans I may have to change them in the blink of an eye (weird expression). not because I don’t want to see you, but because I really need some sort of extra income before 28th of May.

yes I am that materialistic. deal with it.