today the musketeers were reunited.
we met at C’s and it almost felt like old times… almost.
the gals were talking about class and the workload and even if I didn’t want to, I felt left out. and I hated it. my mind drifted back to the last semester when I would have gotten into the conversation, complaining about F, laughing at the anecdotes - having witnessed them firsthand, talking about the homework. I don’t mean to be all bitter but I am.
right now I am.
I might not always have been so motivated to go to school early in the morning, but at least I got to hang out with two of my best friends all day. but now the funniest person, the one I connect most with – who allows me to be the goofy me, if only for a few minutes – is an old lady, a very sweet, giggly old lady. who I adore. but it’s not enough. I need to be me more than a few minutes every now and then.
and I wonder if I’ll ever find a workplace where I will have as much fun with my co-workers as I do with my friends.
it will probably be forgotten ‘til next time we meet but right now I’m bitter. bitter at my choice, even if I know it was the one I needed to make – not that I will admit it right now, but anyway. bitter at my heart, who refuses to listen to reason when my mind tries to tell it to ignore the irrational feelings of alienation and loss. bitter at my new job, where (sure they are nice people but) there is no one I can laugh with, be silly with, be me.
and I miss that. and what’s worse (I really am a bitca) the girls still have it. they have each other and all the silliness.
I miss it. and today I realized how much.
4 comments:
Honey. I just have to say that I'm so sorry. After our date I realised that we had talked about school, perhaps a little too much. And I really apologise for that. I know that you are still "vulnerable" at this point. I should have known better, so to speak. But it's really hard. It still doesn't feel as if you've left us. It's only been a couple of lectures, and I think that I'm imagining you just being on sick leave, hoping to see your smiley face at the end of the rail tracks at Malmö Central.
Just remember - you still have us, and our silliness. Perhaps not in the same manner, but still - you're counted for. There can be no musketeers without you - and that's a fact.
Love you,
Sara
HI Sweety pie! I´m sorry too, I also realized that we had talked too much about school and as Sara said, it doesn´t feel like you have left us..You know you will always be our best friend no matter what we´re doing and we will always have fun together and you will always be counted in! There will be no three musketöser with just two!! You will always be one of my best friends! Hugs and see you next time! Love Caroline
By the way - Happy name day! (namnsdag!)
Kraaaam
BITCA! Som Xander. :) När ska vi ha Buffymaraton? love
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