when I got home today and compulsively checked my e-mail there was a new one titled Fanny your Au Pair in America Flight is Booked!
and even though I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this particular e-mail I can't bring myself to open it. it's been hours since I found it and I still haven't looked.

it’s becoming more and more real to me that I’m leaving soon and I only have three weekends left in Seattle and they are pretty much planned already.
this weekend I’m going to Forks, and will be camping on the beach which is starting to scare me since I was told theirs is a very real possibility that we will be visited by bears in the night. the weekend after that it’s 4th of July and even though I don’t have any plans yet I hope I’ll get a chance to go out. and then it’s my last weekend in Seattle which in my book means Improv and lots of it.
and then I’m done.
no more Seattle for me.
no more Barnes & Noble – boy will I miss that store. not just all the books, but the fact that if I want to I can bring a book and find a quiet place in the store, sit down on the floor and read. nobody will look funny at me or tell me to leave. the atmosphere is very much inviting to that sort of behavior and I love it.
no more Jet City Improv.
no more driving over the I-5 bridge and seeing Seattle’s skyline at night.
no more kiddos.
today I was hanging out with Bridget, and as we were walking in Northgate mall we were goofing around like we tend to do ~ I love that she's not embarrassed by that stuff :) ~ and she said to me: "I will miss you so much when you leave. who will I be crazy and goofy with now?" she also told me that I'm the best to hug since I'm so soft and squishy. is that a compliment or a subtle hint that I need to go on a diet?
she can be my worst enemy when she's grumpy and tired but all those other days when we just hang she's the best person in the world. and when she said that the thought of leaving made my heart break a bit.

my stomach is in knots and I feel slightly nauseous and I'm dying to find out if I get home in time to see Emil Jensen in Skillinge *crossing fingers* but I really don't want to leave my Seattle. not yet at least.

I wonder if anyone would get upset if I rearranged the world a little bit and put Washington State where the Baltic States are...