after I stick my head in the sand and while it’s still there my logical side comes out. I need a plan B. and I need it now. don’t get me wrong I’m still all panicky and there’s a good chance I’ll cry again, but if I know what to do when things fall apart here there's a possibility that I might come out on the other side alive.

~ there will be no more shopping (maybe if I find a really good gift for someone at home - but that's it)
~ I will start going through my stuff and start to divide it up into stuff I want to send home, stuff that I'll throw out and what I want to put in my carry on when I go home
~ I will start sending stuff home - I'll try to send one package every week for the next month (depending on how expensive it it
~ I will start saving my money incase my bags are overweight or something else goes wrong -basically everything that the post office don't take and another $20 as spending money each week will stay in my account
~I need to find stuff to do on weekends so I'll stop hiding in my room - maybe go over to Jo's (M's old host family) once in a while

it's sad but I just realized who much money matters. I knew that it makes life easier but I never thought that my happiness (and my sanity) would be that dependant on it.
now that sucks.

the absolute worst part of this situation is that I'm stuck in a place far from home and I have no options here. I really don't since I wasn't smart enough to save my salary.
and aslo, I'm totally in the hands of someone else and that scares me to death.

note to self: never ever live with your employer ever again. it's not a good idea.