I'm sitting alone in my apartment on a Saturday night feeling like a bloody looser. I hear people around the campus having fun, going out, socializing and I'm sooo jealous. I want to be out there having fun as well.

I know it's only been a week and that I said before that I was going to focus on my studies and not care so much about making friends. boy, was that a lie.
I'm usually pretty good with being by myself and being around people 24/7 drives me nuts. but as it turns out the other way around is no good either. it's not that I need a large amount of friends, but a few times a week I need to talk with someone about random stupid shit or whatever is going on at the moment.

I really don't know what to do. I've talked to a few people, but I'm not really sure we'll talk again. chasing people down the hallway yelling "talk with me! talk with me!" seems a bit desperate, besides I want to talk with people who want to talk with me.
so have I always been this crappy at meeting new people? is there something about me that's off-putting? how did I manage to survive the US?
I know I don't make a very good first impression, I tend to either talk waaay to much or almost not at all. maybe it takes time to get used to all my quirks and then you notice what a good, fun friend I am (I hope - if I'm not, please don't tell me. let me live in blissful ignorance). but what do you do until you get to that point? maybe I'm just too old for this stuff...

I just feel really cut off from the world right now and I can't wait to go back to Höör on Friday and spend the weekend interacting with people I know and love.

I've survived my first week as a serious student. or almost anyways since it's only noon.
to really prove how serious I am I'll start the assignment for next Friday today. and that's never happened before, but since the assignment is a bit of a pain in the butt I might as well get started...

the classes are kinda interesting. I'm so much more interested in writing and literature than the history of English, but you can't always do the fun stuff. and I might actually learn some cool stuff.

apart from classes starting there was a whole bunch of other stress this week.
on Tuesday I found out that csn hadn't gotten my application for the student loan I need. and after a panic attack, while talking to E on messenger, I applied again and this time I was able to do it. all I need to do now is check what the verdict is and to say that I'm somewhat nervous is an understatement. I haven't been the best student in the past, but I hope they won't hold that against me...

on Wednesday my computer decided to go die on me again, I have no clue why she does this - maybe she's suicidal? but after a minor freak-out I took her to the computer store on Campus and they fixed her. thank goodness.

tonight I'm gonna put all the stress and all my worries aside, have a nice dinner (which doesn't include pasta since I've been eating that for three days straight) and cozy up in my room with some dark chocolate, a nice big cup of tea and the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy.
nothing relaxes me like watching someone else's drama especially when there are hot doctors and blood and gore surrounding it.

so since this is a new start for me I think I'll try to revive this blog. not that my life is especially intereting, but I want to know what you are doing and hope that you feel the same way about me.

last night I kept waking up every three hours and that makes me tired and when I'm tired I get cranky which is no fun. I'm pretty sure it's my head that is spooked about my crazy stomach and sharing a bathroom with someone else. it was the same on Iceland, the only time I slept a whole night was one weekend where both of my roommates were gone. two undisturbed nights in ten weeks are not enough!
now would be the time to start praying to whatever god is out there that I get used to it this time, otherwize I'll be back in Höör an awful lot just to catch up on sleep.

the appartment is still part dump. I feel like all I do lately is clean and I don't like it one bit. it's getting better though. I'm almost done with the kitchen and if I have enough energy I'll tackle the hall closet tomorrow - there's a loooot of crap in there and none of it is mine.

my rooms are nice, they don't smell like smoke anymore, the broken closet door is gone (there's a new one in it's place) and I've got James Dean on my walls in the study room (I have a study room! :)
the girl who is living in the other half of the apartment told me that the previous tenant used to grow pot in the closet where my shoes now live.

if I could just get the internet to work *crossing fingers the guy comes Monday morning* everything would be great. right now I'm borrowing my roommate's cable and since she's going home tomorrow I can't keep doing that. then I'll be forced to drag my poor Shirley to the library - which is only five minutes away, but it's still cold outside...

I think my computer is really truly dead this time.
there has been times in the past when I thought it was gone, but it's always come back to the land of the living ~ how alive a computer really is can be discussed ~
but I think this is it, I'll let her (sometimes I think about it as Shirley - silly name, but for some reason it fits my computer) rest the whole weekend and then we'll see what happens. if it is dead I must say I'm happy it chose now, just a few months ago I got an external hard drive for all my important pictures and things to be safely stored on.

and this could be a blessing in disguise. esp when you think of all the time I used to spend on the computer which now is free. hours and hours to spend however I want.
reading ~ I have at least five books I want to read including Nineteen Minutes
being creative ~ I started writing a story about the Feeties which I should finish and send to B for Christmas. I want to draw more, I should draw more so I don't loose whatever little I learned in art class. I still rock at drawing wine bottles btw :)
sleeping ~ I might actually be able to go to bed at a decent hour.

but despite all the amazing things that might come out of a dead computer I'll still miss her. she was my companion and my link to my other world when I was in WA.
and for that I'll always love her...

I guess it’s time to face the truth. fall is here and there is no escape.

some good things come with fall:
I finally get to wear my pretty boots
I no longer feel the need to wear shorts which in turn means I get to cover my, usually, usually bruised legs
the good TV-shows are back. I’ve missed you Greek, Grey’s Anatomy and ANTM
nobody blames you for curling up on the couch under a blanket watching said shows.
and even though I love being barefoot, it feels pretty good to put on a pair of thick socks

at least until you discover the big holes in them…