things have changed on the job front. and it’s actually a tiny bit confusing. at least for my brain. but then again, that might have more to do with my easily confused brain than with the job situation.

the confusion started when I got a new name-tag. why a new name-tag and how can she possibly be confused about it, you’re probably wondering (or not). I got a name-tag with my name engraved in it and I have no idea why I got it since I’m partly out of a job now. who gets an engraved name-tag just to be a weekend extra starting the following week? and what about the keys and the locker? am I supposed to return those, or should I keep them since I’ll need them this summer… no one tells me these things. is there some unspoken rule about things like these that I just don’t know about? I don’t want to ask cause that would really make me feel stupid. or at least more stupid than I already feel.
anyways from now on I’ll be working every second weekend and if someone calls in sick and they need me. the sad part about this though is that even if I want to, I might not be able to decline when they call. mainly since I already have done that three times. I was supposed to work next weekend, but because I’ve had plans for that Saturday since forever I had to say “sorry, I can’t work that day, but I’ll be there on Sunday. I swear”. or something close to it.
not to worry C, I wouldn’t miss the party for anything. my costume is finally done =)

so just to warn all of you wonderful people out there. if we make plans I may have to change them in the blink of an eye (weird expression). not because I don’t want to see you, but because I really need some sort of extra income before 28th of May.

yes I am that materialistic. deal with it.

for once in my life I actually believe in love at first sight. since that’s what happened. ok, so maybe it wasn’t at first sight but rather somewhere between the second and third. but still…

yesterday I met L. for the first time since her pregnancy. since she’s not pregnant anymore that also meant meeting a certain someone. A. we bonded while her mother glued stuff to a scrapbook-kind-of-looking-art-thingy.
thing is this whole head-over-heals-falling-for-part took me completely by surprise. I didn’t know I was a baby-person. cute, sure. and noisy, check. but walking around with one of them ‘til my arms felt like falling of so she wouldn’t cry and not minding it one bit. no sir. not me.
and that’s what I did. and by doing this I once again proved how naïve I really am. and how little I know about myself. pathetic really.

the one light in the endless tunnel of this year is that it seems that I really am on some kind of path to self-discovery and that I will learn a lot. if I choose to embrace it or just shrug it of is a whole other story. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see =)

the other week I picked up a copy of Utbildningskatalogen 07/08. I don’t really know why I did it - peer pressure from T who was with me or just a habit?

anyway, for some reason I took a look in it recently, to see if there was anything interesting or maybe I was bored.... what I actually did find surprised me. two very intriguing courses which start in the fall. Children’s Literature in a Global Perspective – basically about the children’s literature, the development with a global perspective. and Creative Writing – is an intro to imaginative writing which emphasizes on self-expression, language development and the craft.
not only does these courses seem quite fun but there’s also another perk. I can take one or both of them and still work since they’re part-time courses scheduled on evenings or on-line workshops.

I didn’t think I would want to go back to school again for awhile but I guess it’s about finding something that excites you. which frankly for me isn’t grammar – but I do like children’s books and apparently writing =)

so I will apply for these courses and after that we’ll see what happens. like I always say: whatever happens happens

what if you were to meet a genie and he (or she) gave you three wishes. would you be the type of person who asks for three more wishes or maybe the one who wishes for world peace?
sadly I wouldn’t be the latter one, but on the other hand I wouldn’t be the first one either – so I can’t be all bad, can I?

my first wish would be bravery. I would like to be brave enough to walk in the forest at night. to stand up for myself and others. to take a chance every now and then. to get on a train to the airport and get on a randomly picked plane and see where I would end up.
my second wish would be to be really good at something, to have a talent of some sort. I don’t know exactly what it would be but something other than being the master of Buffy the Vampire Slayer trivia and being able to act out Dirty Dancing with most of the script correctly quoted. sure I’m good at being silly – but seriously, what good can come of that? I would want something more substantial, something that would be useful and maybe not a talent rather than a quality. like being really good at remembering names, or being very nice or knowing what to do or say in weird situations (being less Chandler-like when it comes to social situations and jokes).
as for my third wish. I would save it. before you know it or sometime far in the future something might happen when it would be needed.
actually on second thought. I would use it. I would wish that people in general would become more aware.
aware of the environmental issues – do we want to look for another planet to live on? cause that’s were we’re headed. by cutting down the rainforest we’re not only destroying on of the most important and fascinating type of natures we have on Earth, we’re also wiping out the natural habitat to thousands of bugs and other creatures. which brings me to my next point:
aware of what we’re doing to the animal life – save the gorillas and pandas anyone? or maybe a tiger?
aware of what horrible things some children have to go through – things they shouldn’t even know existed.

I could probably add lots of other issues to this wish, but you have to stop somewhere. I would, however, extend my wish and apart from awareness I would want people to wake up and act. on behalf of the environment, the wildlife and (maybe most important) the children. our future.
let’s face it: it can’t be that hard, it shouldn’t be that hard.
(I think that one of the main attractions to the teacher gig for me was that, if I was lucky, I would be able to make a difference in someone’s life. be there if a kid/student needed me.)
truth is it’s not that hard to make a difference in someone’s life. it doesn’t have to be a life changing difference rather than something which improves their day. smile to a stranger, help an old lady of the bus or buy Aluma.
whatever it is I’m sure it will be appreciated. a very heart warming (without being too mushy) book on the topic is Pay it forward by Catherine Ryan Hyde.

wow. look at me. completely of topic. this wasn’t going to be about saving the world from all things evil (mankind). it was supposed to be about my shallow wishes if I’m ever lucky enough to meet a genie (do I get a flying mat or was that just for Aladdin?)
I guess I’m starting to grow up – taking my first steps to becoming an aware adult. I suppose that happens to everyone sooner or later, I just didn’t expect it so soon...

has anyone seen my krumelur-pills?

a minor comment to my last post:

if I’ve caused the two of you to feel the tiniest bit guilty – I’m sorry. that wasn’t my intention. I guess I was stuck in Denial-land and reality just hit me. hard. on the head. with a huge wooden stick. to say the least I didn’t like it, at all.
I do want to hear about what happens to you in school, just not yet. maybe in a few weeks. It obviously feels to crappy right now. I think the same thing goes for gatherings with the rest of the group. I need a chance to move out of my castle in Denial-land and build a nice little hut with a swing in the garden in Acceptanceville.

and that may take some time since I like it rather much in my castle with all my nice furniture and the wonderful view.