I just came home after watching Sex and the City. it's 12.50 am. and I want to cry. because of a stupid movie.
why did the movie have this big inpact on me you might wonder....
even if the movie wasn't the greatest (not saying it wasn't good) it left me feeling alone. as long as I was swept up in SatC it was fine but in the car on my way home I started thinking (and that is as we all know never good) and thinking about the movie made me think about the core of SatC. the girls. their frindships. and it made me miss my friends at home. alot. alot alot.
I've never been away for a longer period like this and I miss normal everyday stuff. talking on msn. going to Lund and have lunch. going for walks. knowing that you have people just a phone call away if life feels like shit and you need to talk.
I miss that. and even if I have great friends here it's not the same. not nearly the same.
I normally deal with it by not thinking about it. I do stuff with the kids. watch GREEK. go shopping at the mall. and if everything else fails I go to Barnes & Noble.
but after watching the movie it was right in front of me and I can't ignore it tonight (I will do my best to supress these emotions in the morning). I want to go home right now and hang out with you guys. I won't even have to talk, I'll just sit and listen to your discussions and pretend I understand what you talking about.

and I'll be happy and not feel as alone and detached as I feel here.
I swear.

today has been a day that started out on the shitty side.
grouchy kids in the morning made me feel like the worst au pair ever, like I don't know what I'm doing here and that I'm not doing anything right.
when it was lunch time I was still annoyed from yesterday when I had to eat rice for dinner (again). I'm so sick of it! I want potaoes! I love potatoes! gimme gimme gimme (potatoes)!
all we eat is rice rice rice. I hate rice! it's always the same. potatoes are good. they come in different types and shapes. wonderful German yellow ones. mashed ones. big ones in the oven. chopped up ones in the oven. new potatoes. potatoes with the special chicken sauce my dad makes. potatoes and salmon with the special salmon sauce. potatoes with the brown sauce my grandmother makes. chopped up oven potatoes with tsatziki outside on the patio in the summer. I love potatoes!
anyway. I did some laundry and M called to say she was taking the kids home. boy did that make me feel useful. not. I can't even drive the kids home today. what am I here for?
but then they came home and I helped B pack for her camp. that girl can pack. she's staying over one night and packed three t-shirts, three long sleeved shirts, three pairs of pants, two pairs of socks and two pairs of underwear. for two days and one night. I would probably have done the same a few years ago, but I've learned not to pack too much these last years when I've been living out of my backpack.
while we were packing M had made tea for us and B went into the kitchen and forbade me to enter. turns out she was setting the table for tea time. so sweet. she had put our tea cups on a tray and put some chocolate chip cookies on a plate on the tray and while we were having tea time she taught me the correct way to drink tea. apparently I've been doing it wrong all these years. if only I'd known.
after tea time with B I didn't feel like such a shitty au pair and K just came in here to show me that he dressed up Teddy in a t-shirt, K's underwear, B's watch and a bracelet to top it of.

if only the weather could get better and I could get some potatoes (I need them and I want them) everything would be ok.

I love Starbucks!

Im getting dangerously addicted to their Mocha Frappuccino.

Here's how they describe it at the Starbucks website:

Mocha Frappuccino® Blended Coffee
A delightfully sweet and creamy combination of chocolate,

Starbucks® coffees and milk, blended with ice, topped with

whipped cream (optional).

Just give me a Tall Mocha Frappucino with no wipped creme

and suddenly my day seems so much better.

we went to the improv theatre again last night and I won a prize :D
sadly it was my lack of suggestion that made me win it.
the host, John, asked me what my middle name was and my response was “I don’t have one” and he went “wow, ok do you have a first name?” and then he apologized (unnecessary but sweet) and he used the first letter for their next performance.
at the end of each show the two best suggestions receives dinner and a show. and the second prize went to the girl who said Nicholas Cage and the first prize went to and I quote “the girl who said I don’t have one when asked about her middle name”
so embarrassing, Katrine was sitting next to me and pointed me out to John who gave me the fabulous prize :D
when we walked out of the theatre he apologized again and gave me an extra piece of candy. so not necessary – he couldn’t know my parents didn’t see it fit to give me an extra name incase of situations like this.

I’ve recently started to draw horses. real ones - not my usual stick figure type of horse. I even got a book to show me how to and this is my first real try. I admit it could be better but hey it could be worse to (at least we can see what it is, right?).
Bridget named him Moon Stone and colored him. hopefully my drawings will get better with time :D

it’s been a while since I wrote last and quite a few things have happened since then. there have been the very-crappy-why-did-I-go-out-of the-bed-type-of-days and the so-happy-I’m-here-can-we-freeze-time-so-I-can-stay-here-type-of-days.

a few days after my last post I had one of those crappy days I don’t know why ~ maybe I ate something weird or maybe the stress of this was finally catching up with me any guess is as good as the other ~ but after lunch my stomach started aching and I was bleeding a lot from bad places (when I say a lot I mean clown-nose-red in the toilet twice). this me completely freak-out and when I went to get the kids I was 10 minutes late with a headache which felt like it would split my head in two.
once we were home the kids played with each other and I went to my room since Bridget was angry at me for some reason (can’t remember – but it’s never good) and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that.
when my host mother came home I fell apart and started to cry - so embarrassing - but in my defense I had had a shitty day. that night I had made plans to meet Maria (a girl who I met the week before) at Starbucks in Bellevue and I really didn’t feel up for it.
thank god I went.
I really needed to get out of the house and Maria is one of the nicest people I’ve met here. we had a lot of fun which was exactly what I needed (that and painkillers).
the next day I was still weak in the knees and completely without energy which proved to be a problem when Bridget wanted me to be the sea monster at the playground after school (we made up the night before – she complimented me on the color of my socks before I left for Starbucks so I knew she wasn’t mad anymore)
after a couple of times of me saying no and explaining the reason for it Kyle stepped up and offered to be the sea monster.
that Saturday something important happened, something that would change our lives forever. sort of.
we went to Jet City Improv Theatre, by we I mean parts of my au pair group and Maria (who went with a different agency). it was sooo much fun! all the things they did and how they did it. hilarious. if you ever get a chance to go to something like that – do it! my throat hurt the next day from laughing and going whooohoo.
naturally we went the week after that and that time they sang about tacos. sounds strange I know.
me, Maria and Katrine went last week again (third time in a row) to celebrate Katrine’s 21st b-day and my drivers license (ugly picture btw, I’m gonna conveniently get it stolen so I can get a new one). after the show ended at 00.15 am we went out in the University District to find a nice pub or bar to hang out in. we found one that was packed with people so we ended up sharing table with two very nice and funny people (sadly I can’t remember their names). they taught us about Seattle nightlife, that you should never ever mix jello shots with drinks (beer is ok) and that the boys here are really short.
they also told us that the night life here dies at 2 am – a fact that Maria had a hard time accepting. half an hour later she was still saying “2 am, 2am?!?!?!?!”
so funny :D
truth is it feels a bit early but if they can’t sell alcohol after 2 am why stay open...
still sucks.
on the way to where we were supposed to get picked up by my host father something else of interest happened. I was almost run over by a taxi. so scary. here you’re allowed to go right on red when you drive (unless otherwise is posted). but if there’s a crosswalk and the light is green for the pedestrians you have to wait. apparently this taxi driver didn’t know that and he had some speed coming around that corner right were we were crossing the street on a green light. had we been there two seconds earlier someone would have been hit, and that someone would probably have been me…

gold star to the person who can guess where we’re going this Friday night = )