I’m really happy that you guys seem so excited about this. glad someone is.
I’m currently terrified. just so you know.
I know I have no reason to be, I should be happy, but that’s not going to happen right now.
I’m scared that when (if) a potential host family calls I will do the nervous babbling thing I tend to do, or maybe I’ll do the opposite and close up like a clam. and the family will realize what a spaz I can be and fear that I might damage their children. help.
anyone who wants to do a test interview with me to help me calm my nerves?

Dear Fanny,
You have been accepted onto the Au Pair In America programme.
A full acceptance pack has been sent to you in the mail and below is a reminder of your login details for the Au Pair in America website, where you will be able to access lots of useful information on matching with a host family and can learn more about life in the US.
Email Address: fanny_voigt@hotmail.com
Password: **********

Please feel free to contact us with any questions and we hope to find you a great host family soon.

Kind regards,
Au Pair in America

the snow has arrived.
finally
the whole world wrapped up in a cold, beautiful blanket. it’s magical. when the sun shines and there’s a thick layer of snow just waiting for someone (me) to mess it up.
making snow angels.
racing down a hill on a sled.
skating on the frozen lake.
being icy cold on the outside but warm with snow joy on the inside.

those days are the best.

Me and Frida on the tiny slope outside her house a few years ago

Christmas is over. and I feel numb.

tomorrow E is having a birthday gathering (or is it a shindig? I'm pretty sure it's not a hootenanny).
two days after that it’s New Years Eve.
after that I have no more plans. no idea what happens next. this whole year I’ve been living by the moment. but lets face it: it’s not my thing. it makes me a bit queasy and quite uneasy.
I don’t like it.
I need a plan.
I have a plan but I need a backup plan in case it doesn’t fall through and I need a plan to execute if/after my first plan is executed and over.
a real one.
marrying a cute American and stay abroad has been suggested but it is not a real plan.

just so you know.

our pretty Christmas Tree which I helped decorate

I was originally going to write about how I felt that the teachers at Ringsjö had lost the magic. the thrill of teaching. educating the brilliant young minds of our future. yada yada yada.
since then I've come to realize that these minds are not so much brilliant as diabolical.

this past week has been one of the worst in my life. the kids ignored everything I said and, among other things, buildt a fort out of the benches in the classroom. I couldn't even throw them out because they didn't listen to a thing I said. I've never felt so powerless before and I'm seriously questioning my capability to be a teacher. I know part of it is my own fault. I need to have more authority when I'm in the classroom.

maybe I will find some of the confidence I need in the US. I really hope so otherwise I'll be in for a rough ride.