I’m a name-tag person.

and unlike Cordelia in the Buffy episode - I like it. it makes me feel like it’s more real. like I’m really part of the “crew”. ridiculous right? a small plastic item makes me feel more comfortable at a workplace and if you add a locker with a key to the mix it’s a match made in heaven :) but despite these wonders, after only four days I’ve come to realize, and this might seem truly boring, that I’m a nine-to-five-mainly-weekdays type of gal.
don’t get me wrong. I’m starting to fall for the people who lives at my work and there are a lot of fun conversations with them. I also like the other people working there. it’s just that when you have a weird schedule, when will you have time for all the other things in your life? not that I have that much of a life, but when I get one it would be nice to have time and energy for it =)

to tell you the truth I already miss the little brats, knowing that even if one lesson is shitty the next one probably won’t stink as much. I miss discussing school issues – hats vs. no hats, grades, parent/child issues, what the new government will mean for the teaching business, and the latest thing – are teachers allowed to confiscate the students cellphones, mp3s/iPods and other items which can disturb the lesson, such as knifes? (it’s ridiculous – if one of the students had a knife of course you can take it. do we need a new law for that?)
I miss having these discussions, being around the English language and other persons who loves it as much as I do. ~ it sounds insane, but come to think about it, it is quite possible that the English language is the love of my life. just a thought. don’t read to much into it ~

anyways what I don’t miss is studying. maybe that is/was the problem. all I’ve ever done is going to school. trying to be a good student (and failing miserably when I wasn’t interested in the subject) I’m tired of going to school, not of being there, the environment. I like to read essays and correct them.

I just don’t want to write the papers myself.

so. I got a job.
partly as a weekend worker. partly as a sub. I will have the sub gig (can you say gig about a job? according to Longman a gig is, among other things: AmE informal a job, especially one that does not last for a long time so yeah I guess you can) until, at least, Feb 4th. but it sounded like, if I didn’t completely misinterpret, I could work there until the summer.
we’ll see.
I called the boss lady yesterday and when I told her I could do the job she asked me: but do you want it?
do I want it? yes and no. the part of med who needs the money and interaction with other people says: of course you should take this job, you need this job. but then there is the part of me who says: no! are you crazy? getting up at 4 am to be at work by seven. having days which last six hours when they feel like twelve. doing the same thing all day, every day. (maybe I need to work on positive thinking – but I believe that right now it’s my tired head who complaints)
I forgot one thing on the yes side: I like old people. a few years ago I was at a home for old people, much like this but in Höör, and one night I ended up sitting and talking with one of the women who lived there. we talked for at least one hour about everything between lice to murderers, and I enjoyed it so much I even forgot to go home. I think I sat there at least fifteen minutes after my shift had ended.

so, sure the hours may be shitty and there are a lot of boring parts (but gimme one job who hasn’t got those) but in the end it is those small moments you have to hold out for. and I guess those will be more and more frequent the longer you are in one place and the better you know your co-workers and the people who live there.

btw what’s wrong with Eddings? one of the dudes who worked at Segevång didn’t like his novels very much and since it was time for me to go home I didn’t have time to further investigate the matter (fancy words there). perhaps he’s working this weekend so I can ask him then.
yay! I have a non-work-related mission :o)

since I’m writing about the progress of my life I had to write another post today. right now you’re thinking something like: what can happen in less than two hours which is so important that she wastes time writing about it?

am I right?

to answer that question: I got a phone call. from Segevångsgården where I worked this summer. sure she meant to call someone else. but I took advantage of the situation and told her about my break from school. and, here’s the good part, she wondered if I could work as a weekend extra, every second weekend to start with. approximately seven hours a day. which will result in some much needed interaction with other human beings and more importantly (I sound like a horrible person, I know) some cash. if I behave I might even get to be an hour-substitute. sounds weird in English but I don’t have a better word for it.

anyways, my point is that I’m starting to believe that everything happens for a reason and that things will work themselves out. with a little help from whatever greater power there is out there.

and yourself.

so what now? as of tomorrow I’m officially unemployed, not by my own choice, sort of, but still it means that my life lacks structure and goals. since I’m the girl who freaks out when I don’t know my next move or where my life is headed, pathetic I know, I’ve written a list of smaller goals. goals which I will achieve as part of the ultimate goal. wow, that sounded serious. so, well the list is as follows (drum-roll please), I will :

• clean my room thoroughly
• look for a job
• exercise more, maybe start to run or since I don’t like running, at least walk more often
• travel, as soon as I get some kind of income
• read all those novels I been wanting to read forever but haven’t got around to yet
• catch up on my e-mailing - I’m way behind
• spend more time with my friends
• knit the sweater which has been on hold since October
• move out of the house - when I have a steady income I will start looking for an apartment
  

I know some of these goals are a bit… I think corny is the right word, but still, it needs to be done. this leads me to the ultimate goal… and the ultimate goal (I love the how it sounds ;) is to figure out what I want to do with my life for the next five years. become more independent. after that, if needed, I will have another freak-out.


lets all have our finger crossed that it won’t happen.

To those very special gals. you lighted up my day in school.
I thought I was lucky the first semester when I met two persons who I connected with, but this last year has been even more amazing. partly because I got to study my all-time favourite subject but for the most time it was because of you. sounds really cheesy and mushy I know, but right now I’m having a case of severe separation anxiety. we will see each other again of course. but it will never be quite the same. maybe that’s a good thing. who knows. all I know right now is that I will miss you terribly. and I hope you will have fun without me (but not to much)
love ya

and just so you know, if you are reading this, I will count on you to tell me all the gossip and to keep up the good work as the proud musketeers I know you are :o)

always remember: no pulling of the pants. no pinching of the butt.

Tabula Rasa or something like it.

Well. Here I am. writing. in English. which isn't even my mother tongue. weird.

Why am I doing this you might ask? I'm not one of those natural writers. what I have to say or write won't be anything profound or deep - it's just not who I am. my mind is a mess most of the time. I will see this as an attempt to untangle some of it.

writing thoughts down makes them more real - more concrete. if I printed this page I could even touch my thoughts, at least I think so - but that’s a whole other discussion. I’m loosing my point here.

I have recently decided to take a break from my studies towards becoming an English teacher which is one of the reasons I’m writing this in English. this decision is so recent I have not even told my friends yet. but I will. the way I see it I have one year or at least until October 15th to decide if I wish to become a teacher. I will use this blog as my journal this year – to share my thoughts with who ever will come across this page – strangers, my friends and myself. so that when I have to make a decision I will be able to look back and see if I got somewhere. and if so how I got there. to think rationally, and carefully evaluate what will happen. something I’m not very good at. wow this sounds serious.

the big question right now (and it’s a scary one) is: what will I do this year?