Friday, December 28, 2007

Christmas is over. and I feel numb.

tomorrow E is having a birthday gathering (or is it a shindig? I'm pretty sure it's not a hootenanny).
two days after that it’s New Years Eve.
after that I have no more plans. no idea what happens next. this whole year I’ve been living by the moment. but lets face it: it’s not my thing. it makes me a bit queasy and quite uneasy.
I don’t like it.
I need a plan.
I have a plan but I need a backup plan in case it doesn’t fall through and I need a plan to execute if/after my first plan is executed and over.
a real one.
marrying a cute American and stay abroad has been suggested but it is not a real plan.

just so you know.

our pretty Christmas Tree which I helped decorate

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I was originally going to write about how I felt that the teachers at Ringsjö had lost the magic. the thrill of teaching. educating the brilliant young minds of our future. yada yada yada.
since then I've come to realize that these minds are not so much brilliant as diabolical.

this past week has been one of the worst in my life. the kids ignored everything I said and, among other things, buildt a fort out of the benches in the classroom. I couldn't even throw them out because they didn't listen to a thing I said. I've never felt so powerless before and I'm seriously questioning my capability to be a teacher. I know part of it is my own fault. I need to have more authority when I'm in the classroom.

maybe I will find some of the confidence I need in the US. I really hope so otherwise I'll be in for a rough ride.